


Who Are You, What Have You Sacrificed?

by Eternal Scribe (Shadowcat)



Category: Jesus Christ Superstar - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-24
Updated: 2012-09-24
Packaged: 2017-11-14 23:36:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/520687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcat/pseuds/Eternal%20Scribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It wasn't fair, you know," he said, staring into the flames.  "Not any of it."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who Are You, What Have You Sacrificed?

**Author's Note:**

> _Jesus Christ Superstar_ is one of my favorite musicals and I've always wondered what Jesus and Judas would have talked about after it was all over...

The desert was silent except for the sound from the fire where the two men were sitting. Several long moments passed before one finally spoke.

"It wasn't fair, you know," he said, staring into the flames. "Not any of it."

"No," his companion agreed with a heavy sigh. "It really wasn't, but it wasn't designed to be fair -- not for any of us involved. It was only designed to be the best outcome for the most people."

"How long had you known?"

"That I was going to die?" At the other man's nod, he let out another sigh. "A few years."

"Did anyone else know what was being planned?"

"No one but our Lord."

The first man shook his head. "And the betrayal? What about the betrayal? How long did you know about that part of his plan?"

"I only knew as soon as you decided to do it -- when He showed me that it had been set into motion."

"Did you know all along that he was setting me up to cause your destruction -- that I would be the one blamed?"

"No, Judas, I didn't." The eyes that he turned on his companion were dark with sorrow. "I wasn't knowing of all parts to be played in our Lord's plan."

"Was that his plan for me the whole time then? Let us become like brothers, live and learn the things we did, and then use me as the tool of your death?" He threw a stick into the fire. "A fine repayment for such loyalty, Christ."

"I don't know, Judas," Jesus said quietly, looking down at his hands. "All I knew of clearly was what I was supposed to do. I didn't know that there would be such a high price to pay for those that loved me."

Silence reigned again for a long while as both men were left to their thoughts.

"Jesus, that last night we spoke, I said some things --"

"It's forgiven, Judas. You don't need to --"

"Will you stop interrupting and stop being so forgiving for a few minutes and just listen?" Judas shook his head. "That was one thing I never understood about you. Your people fought and often did things that you spoke against, and yet you never grew angry at them for any of it -- and in the end died for it! Simon and the others started that fight at the rally with the Roman guards, and yet you didn't stay angry with him for it. You were punished for what Simon and the others were doing."

"That was His plan -- that I die in their place. My life and my blood was to save their lives and their souls." Jesus stared into the fire. "Simon's heart was pure and his thirst for what he thought was justice was right. Why should I get angry at him for feeling those things?"

"Anger is a natural emotion, Jesus. Simon did something that you were against and caused trouble."

"And you brought the soldiers to the garden to arrest me." Judas flinched at that. "Are you telling me that I should have let loose with my anger on you?"

"Yes! No, I don't know!" Judas got up from the fire and started pacing. "Both of us -- Simon and I -- did things that led to your bloodshed and death! You should be angry -- you should be full of rage and hate towards us for that."

"You said yourself that you didn't mean to bring about the events that happened. Why should I get angry at you for something you already feel remorse for? What if everything that Simon did was part of God's plan -- like your betrayal and Peter's denial of me? Why should I become angry at any of you for doing what He wanted you to do?"

"Because that is the normal reaction of most men to betrayal by those that they love and have held dear," Judas said softly, sliding down a boulder to sit on the desert floor again. "When you are hurt by those you love -- as Peter and I did you -- then it is reasonable to become angry at them and wish them to feel ill for what they have done."

"But if your will was not entirely your own and your actions were directed and ordered by your God --"

"That isn't an excuse, Christ," Judas cut him off. "It should not matter that our wills were not completely our own in this. It makes more sense in my mind that you be angry at us than you were set up to die in our places all along."

"My anger wouldn't change anything that happened."

Judas sighed. He had him there. "I don't understand you sometimes, Jesus. How could you have known all of that time that you were going to be killed in one of the worst ways imaginable -- and yet tell no one what was going on or even react with anything but calmness. Didn't you feel cheated? Didn't you think -- even just once -- that it was all unfair and too much to lay on one man's shoulders? Didn't you ever want to tell us what was going on?" His voice dropped. "Didn't you ever just want to say no that you didn't want to go through with it -- that it wasn't fair for Him to ask you to do so much and then let them kill you on top of it all?"

He didn't think that he was going to get an answer as it was quiet for a long time when he finished. He was about to say something when he heard it. It was very soft and he almost missed it.

"Yes."

Judas turned his head to his old friend, waiting to see if he would expand on that. He wasn't disappointed.

"Yes," Jesus repeated again. "I did feel cheated and like it was too much to expect one man to do -- no matter how long I had been working towards His goal. I was afraid and I didn't want to die, no matter how many people's souls my death would save." He looked into the fire and sighed. "In the beginning, when He first told me what He wanted me to do, I was inspired. I wanted to save people and show them there was a better way to live and a greater reward after death than they thought. I was going to be doing my Lord's will and helping His children - my people. It was the best thing that I could be doing with my life."

"What changed?"

"Nothing really changed, exactly," Jesus said softly. "I was still of the belief that what we... I ... would be doing was the best thing and the right thing. However, I didn't realize how difficult it was going to be for me the closer we got to the end."

"You knew when the end was coming? He told you when you were going to die and you still went towards it willingly?" Judas couldn't believe this revelation. How had Christ known exactly when the end was coming and keep so quiet about it?

"I always knew that I would die when I was thirty-three," he said, looking down at the ground for a moment.

Judas had to force himself to stay still and not try to shake answers from the other man. Patience had stopped being his virtue long before, and death hadn't changed it that much. As much as he wanted to press for details, he was wise enough to know that Jesus had to tell his story in his own time.

"I didn't realize how difficult it was going to be," he repeated. "I had all of that time to get used to it, and I thought I had. There were a few things I hadn't factored into all of the planning and all of the things that the Lord was spelling out. One of them was all of you. You were my friends, my family. I didn't want to leave you and I was afraid of what would happen to all of you when I was no longer there."

"When you agreed to His plan, didn't you realize that it's what would happen?"

"Know that it would happen, yes. I just didn't know how strong my feelings would be about it when the time came." He turned his head to look at Judas. "It's one thing to know what it is that is coming. It's quite another to face it and deal with the emotions that surround it all. The two are completely different."


End file.
